The Diaries of Regret
by theyalwaysdestroymysoul
Summary: After Jiraiya died, Tsunade found two diaries which reveal past regrets and secrets that changed two lives forever. My first OneShot. Plese read and review!


_The dates I used here are purely fictional and are not necessarily mentioned or connected in the story since this is my original take on the happenings after Jiraiya's death._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Tsunade and Jiraiya. _

**The Diaries of Regret**

_**By theyalwaysdestroymysoul**_

_August 5_

_My Room_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today surely isn't a great day. Well, I know you might have been proud of me, but then again I sucked._

_After months and months of planning, I finally asked Tsunade if she could be my girl._

_And guess what… She nearly broke my arms, made my nose bleed and made my eyes almost bulge out from their sockets. _

_This is the whole scenario:_

_Me: Ano, Tsunade-chan…_

_Tsunade: What is it, Jiraiya? (She looked like she just had a bad day, but still I went on)_

_Me: Well… I…_

_Tsunade: (She raised an eyebrow. I know my knees are shaking at this point BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TURN BACK!) _

_Me: I want to greet Tsunade-chan a belated happy birthday! (Okay, strike one! But I'll definitely get better later)_

_Tsunade: Umm, it's been like, 3 days since my birthday and you've greeted me for like, every day after it. What the hell is going on with you?_

_Me: Umm, nothing really. I-it's just that. I forgot to give this! (I handed out a white rose I bought for her. I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE SAID IT AT THIS POINT. BUT WILL YOU PLEASE WAIT?)_

_Tsunade: Oh… (I know she blushed! How cute!) Thank you Jiraiya. _

_Me: Umm, Tsunade… (THIS IS IT!) Will you be my… girlfriend?_

_Tsunade: (I saw the shock upon her face but then again, she lightened up. This gave me enough hope. She looked at the rose)_

_Me: Aww, c'mon Tsunade. I know you can't resist a guy like me. We've been friends for a long time and I am sure with what I am feeling though this may sound completely absurd. Besides, I'm giving up all my manly pride here-_

_Tsunade: Jiraiya… I have to decline—_

_Me: -Imagine me, the famous Jiraiya, willing to have a flat-chested girlfriend?—what? _

_I was shocked by what she said. I didn't even notice that I was blabbering too much and probably to the highest extent of too much because the next thing I know was Tsunade performing the hand seals of Kagebunshin no Jutsu and starts to attack me._

_She told me that I was being too much of an airhead, which is not true in my opinion of course. I summoned up all of my confidence and tried to act suave because I've read in a magazine that girls find it attractive. Well I guess I have to inform them that girls like Tsunade exist in this world and encourage them to write and research about this type of species._

_When I asked Gamabunta about this, he said I was being my usual dumb ass self. I guess you're the only one who'll truly understand me, diary._

_Oh, I guess I'll have to meet that toad now. Ja._

Tsunade couldn't stop laughing and smiling after reading his diary. Who would've thought that a man like Jiraiya would have the time to write like this? _Oh, I remember he's a writer. _Four days passed since Jiraiya died and she collected her comrade's stuff. Tonight they'll bring him to his final resting place. After all the smiles brought upon by this thing, Tsunade found herself suffering from the pangs of pain of the past. _Why am I feeling this? _Was it because she lost a very precious friend? Or is it because she regrets that day?

Tsunade reached for a drawer in her office. As she hastily searched over her clutter, she found a dusty notebook, which is adorned with dried leaves and faux gemstones. She sat down on her chair again and browsed through the notebook until she found what she was looking for.

_August 5_

_Living Room_

_My dearest Diary,_

_The worst of worst finally happened._

_Jiraiya confessed to me about his feelings a while ago. Never in my wildest dreams did I picture this day. And never in my most idiotic dreams did I picture myself saying "I have to decline."_

_I know you may curse me about this, Diary, since almost all of the pages within this notebook include all my frustrations with what I feel about Jiraiya. I've been waiting for this day but now I screwed it all up!_

_It's not that he's being an airhead (that is sooo his character), it's because of all the duties and pressures that have been burdening me lately._

_I know this isn't the right time prioritizing things such as love. I want to learn more and achieve more. I've been praying all the time that this would not happen at a time like this but it seems like Fate loves to play._

_I just wish that in the future, when I'm ready, he's still willing to take all the chances asking me again. And by that time, I'll be ready to say yes…_

Tsunade immediately closed the notebook. Now all of her features looked dim. She seems to have remembered something and opened Jiraiya's diary again. This time, the pages were in the middle of this thick notebook.

_November 27_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today, Tsunade told me that she and Dan are planning to be married._

_I guess that's it. I will finally give up this day._

_I just wish her good luck. And should ever that guy hurt her, I won't hesitate to use Rasengan and make her an instant spinster._

_This day marks my new adventure… As a woman hunter and should I say, a connoisseur? Haha!_

_Today's a good day for sake huh? Ja._

Tsunade already opened her diary, the same date as Jiraiya's.

_November 27_

_Diary,_

_I finally told Jiraiya what our plans are. He smiled and said, "That's great. I wish you both good luck."_

_But why does it feel all so wrong?_

_Am I waiting for his objection? Am I waiting for him to say that he still loves me? Of course that would be absurd. I love Dan._

_But_

The diary was curiously torn. However, Tsunade picked up a dirty looking paper on her wallet.

Jiraiya's funeral procession started. Tsunade can be seen behind the coffin at the front of the procession. Naruto, who's walking behind Tsunade's line, looked tearfully in the sky and realized it was raining.

But he noticed that he stepped on something. Looking down, he picked it up. It was a piece of paper, which reads:

_-why can't I accept that I loved Dan because I saw my brother in him?_

_Damn it, I still love that baka._

Tsunade stared at Jiraiya's coffin. Suddenly, she found herself crying though thanks to the rain the others can't see it.

Sighing, she looked at the dark crying skies. _It's too late for everything now isn't it? Jiraiya..._

_**The End**_

_So what do you think people? I've been planning to do stories like this (which involves diaries) to the other characters but I'm not sure yet. Maybe if you guys liked this, I will. By the way, thank you so much for reading and please leave some reviews! God bless!_


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